Pay attention to how you word your demands. I remember one interesting moment during a bilingual negotiation between English and French speaking parties. The discussions involved the setup of a sister company of the London firm which was to be based in Paris. The meetings were held in the French capital. Everything was going smoothly until the negotiation reached the dealing phase. Much to my surprise, in the middle of the meeting one of the English partners abruptly stood up from the table, thanked the French team and left the room. A coffee break was immediately called for. The person who had left was in the corridor outside the meeting room. When asked what caused such behavior, the response was that he cannot deal with the “arrogant French people” any longer. The moderator of the discussion was bilingual. The linguistic capacity proved a handicap in this case, because they missed the linguistic subtleties of word-for-word translation. It was only then that they realized that the word that the French team were frequently using was “demander”. In French this verb means: to ask for. When translated literally, as in I demand a break, I demand to have my coffee and croissant, I demand to know what the agenda is, it can indeed come across as pushy. When the combination of the neutral “demands” clashed with the actual asks, it was a bit too much to handle.

How to behave when you receive counter-demands?   

1. Thank your negotiation partner for sharing their perspective. Avoid the word “demand” to not reinforce the ask;
2. Do not pose this question: Is this your (final) position? The only answer to that question is: yes. What it will cause is that the other party will dig their heels in their position to save face;
3. Do not repeat their exact demand, specifically avoid the numbers, such as the discount amount or the salary number. Repetition will legitimize it;
4. Check how the demands relate to your overall negotiation goal. In the heat of the dealing phase many negotiators lose sight of what their initial goal was;
5. Check your numbers carefully – assess the impact of their demands on your target – will it get you closer to your desired (maximum) target or will it bring you lower to the minimum target? 
6. Consider if the list of demands resonates with your objective;
7. Take time before you respond or commit, at a minimum a “coffee” break, ideally “sleep on it” (an overnight cool-off period);
8. Understand that not committing includes making sure that you or your team do not communicate by para-verbal (the way you respond) or non-verbal cues (the way your body acts).