You are losing deals you haven’t even started yet.

Every deal has two stages: the negotiation you have with yourself, and the one you have with the other side. The first is harder.

Why? Because self-doubt is relentless. You start asking: What if I’m asking too much? What if they walk away? What if I’m not worth it? What will they think of me?  Those questions eat into your confidence before you ever set foot into the negotiation room.

Here’s the truth: your internal voice is often a tougher negotiator than any client, boss, or partner. They only argue once. You argue with yourself every day.

Consider this scenario: An executive preparing for a salary negotiation spends weeks building a case. But the night before the meeting, they convince themself to lower their ask by 15% to “be more realistic.” They think they are being strategic. In reality, they are giving away value to an opponent who never even showed up.

Winning the negotiation with yourself doesn’t mean ignoring reality — it means refusing to let fear set your price.

Here is a helpful tool you can use the next time you negotiate down with yourself. It is called the Interrogative Self-Negotiation Technique and it works like this:

Step 1: Can I move this person?

How to do this: Create an environment where both you and the other party need something from each other. Identify what their needs might be and how only you can fulfil them. Be open-minded and creative. Do not negotiate down with yourself. Do not be over-critical.

Step 2: Answer in writing

How to do this: Take a piece of paper and write down all the assets you possess that might be valuable to the other party. This will visually show you how many things you have going on for you that you might not be fully aware of. Keep the list in sight to stay motivated.

Step 3: List three specific reasons why your answer is “yes”

How to do this: Focus on the positives. Create scenarios with a “sky is the limit” mindset. Be clear and precise. Avoid wishful thinking. Instead use the formula: They will accept my proposal, because…

Step 4: How will you design the process?

How to do this: Think about how you will prepare, how you will open the negotiation, what demands you will bring to the table, which strategies and tactics you will apply. You will discover this in more detail throughout the book, alternatively you can refer to the table of contents which has been designed to serve as a blueprint framework.

Step 5: How will you manage yourself?

How to do this: Which technique of self-empowerment discussed in this chapter resonates with you most? Use it as your default self-empowerment boost.

Takeaway

A successful negotiation begins with self-management: taking control of your emotions, fears, ego, existing habits, biases and beliefs that are holding you back.

Remember that the first and most important negotiator you need to win over is yourself. If you don’t silence your inner critic, you’ll never win across the table. Confidence isn’t the absence of fear — it’s the decision not to negotiate with it.

At The Executive Practice, I help professionals like you execute their full potential in any of their endeavors. I provide holistic professional assistance, from psycho-analytical empowerment through strategic business design and execution, applying the tools of behavioral negotiation.