The three grand negotiation illusions.

A skilled negotiator is like a magician. They direct the spotlight where they want you to look and they set the scene to create a desired effect. They have mastered the ability to bridge the strategic, tactical and relational aspects.

Let`s discover the three psychologically based grand negotiation illusions that will help you become a more persuasive negotiator.

1. Illusion of autonomy and choice

The human psyche is made up of two elements – the ego and the self. Studies in analytical psychology show that the ego (the conscious) and the self (the unconscious) seldom agree as to their preferences. The paradox of the individuation process lies in the fact that the separation of the ego from the self is a necessary condition for coming into maturity. This process occurs when we are about two years old. At that age, one of the strongest needs is to be autonomous (hence the period in the child`s life referred to as the “terrible twos”). It should not come as a surprise that your negotiation partner will exhibit this need. Nobody likes imposed solutions. The best way to respect the autonomy of your negotiation partner is to give them a choice. This does not mean that you completely hand over the reins. Instead, you should frame the choice. For example, if payment terms are one of the items on your demand list, but they are not a non-negotiable, you can frame this aspect as a choice. Would you prefer 30 or 40-day payment terms? Please notice that there is only 10 days difference between the two options. Nonetheless, it is their (illusionary) choice.     

2. Illusion of ownership

I learned in my legal practice time that a bullet proof contract will in most cases be rejected by the client. Simply because it is not theirs. The chances of acceptance significantly increase when you involve the other party in the quest to finding a solution. An effective tactic is asking for their support or advice. This creates the sense that they were part of the end result. After all, going against ones` own recommendations would be completely illogical. It is recommended to agree on the negotiation process together, before you each jump in the content. Most negotiators get this sequence wrong. Ownership is about getting the other parties buy in, having them feel that the agreement was reached mutually. This makes them more likely to stick with the agreement later.

3. Illusion of victory

If you ever put anything up for sale and it was immediately sold, you probably felt like you asked for too little. It made you question your judgment and cherish the deal less. Needless to say, you did not feel like you won. If you had the chance, you would probably take the deal back. This is exactly how your negotiation partner will think if you do your victory dance. They will become suspicious and they might even try to find a way out of the agreement. In order to avoid this, make them feel like they are victorious. You can do this by leaving a small concession for the end. Ideally, this should be something that has little value for you, but by them will be perceived as a token of appreciation and a sign that they also gained from the agreement.