Awareness is the first step to change.

Being aware of your personal challenges will help you increase your confidence and performance in negotiations. Here are two simple techniques to help you spot the main negotiation habit that is holding you back from executing your full potential.

You might be familiar with the song by the singer Cher: “If I could turn back time”.

This is exactly what you should do mentally. After each negotiation, big or small, ask yourself one question: If I could turn back time, what would I do differently?

Do this personal debrief a minimum of ten times post-negotiation and you will notice a pattern of behavior. You will spot the same mistake,but often in different costume. Once you identify it, you can replace it with desired actions.

         The second challenge that business professionals face is related to self-empowerment; all other difficulties stem from this one. It is worthwhile to examine the concept of power. In the classic, externally oriented outlook, power is the capacity for person A to get person B to do what person B would not have done without the intervention of person A. According to another definition, power is the capacity to act to obtain desired outcomes and reach certain objectives. This dimension is intrinsic, which means that power is an inner resource and it can be unleashed both internally and externally. The good news is that there are techniques on how to do this.

         An interesting technique of self-empowerment comes from certain accounts of dynamic psychiatry from Madagascar. It is called the Bilo. The word designates a technique used to cure patients suffering from low self-esteem. It involves a ritual. Over a period of fifteen days, the low self-esteem individual takes on the role of a king and is treated as such. All the people in his surrounding dress and act like servants in his court. They address him as “King”, treat him with the utmost respect, prepare feasts and dances for him. On the last day, the “coronation” takes place. The “King” is dressed in festive attire and mounts on a platform of about two and a half meters with a small statue at his feet. From the elevated space, he dines while the court performs a sacrifice for them. Most patients come down miraculously liberated from their previous low self-esteem.

I am not suggesting you perform the whole ritual but it might help if you surround yourself with people that can boost your self-esteem and treat you as a strong negotiator. Eventually, you will start seeing yourself as such.  

Here are some comments that point toward lack of belief in one`s power:

• It is difficult to advance my position and to see myself as a valid player;
• I believe I am not a natural negotiator, if the discussion gets more emotional/personal, I perform worse as a negotiator on the strategic level;
• I engage in reactive behavior and allow myself to be governed by emotions;
• I do not have the conviction that I am in the power seat;
• I do not feel confident that I can succeed;
• Seeing the other party as a «difficult» and myself as weak;
• I struggle to find a balance between reason and emotions;
• Doubting that I have voice in the negotiation.

Do you see a reflection of yourself in any of these examples?

At The Executive Practice, I help professionals like you execute their full potential in any of their endeavors. I provide holistic professional assistance, from psycho-analytical empowerment through strategic business design and execution, applying the tools of behavioral negotiation.